If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
