someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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