I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am full of burrito and curiosity
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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