i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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