I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
