Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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