i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
