I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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