I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
