I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize