so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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