That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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