Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
