no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
