You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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