He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.