Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers

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  (757): my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers http://tfl.nu/1x7e
  Replies (24) Good night (753) Bad night (5577)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?

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  (305): So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even? http://tfl.nu/nzpq
  Replies (52) Good night (12338) Bad night (944)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

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  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (40) Good night (8840) Bad night (705)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.

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  (402): Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl. http://tfl.nu/cd5h
  Replies (20) Good night (5520) Bad night (750)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.

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  (573): my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake. http://tfl.nu/nq7t
  Replies (49) Good night (2240) Bad night (4531)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

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  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2601) Bad night (6267)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

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  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11484) Bad night (1107)
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  (559): View more from California

  The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.

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  (559): The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/xrml
  Replies (6) Good night (3015) Bad night (681)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

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  (512): We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots. http://tfl.nu/ta1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1250) Bad night (1711)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex

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  (303): Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex http://tfl.nu/46rv
  Replies (6) Good night (876) Bad night (354)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS

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  (647): YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS http://tfl.nu/r5xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1080) Bad night (627)
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  (916): View more from California

  There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE

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  (916): There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE http://tfl.nu/puex
  Replies (2) Good night (696) Bad night (310)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive

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  (843): The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive http://tfl.nu/6zkp
  Replies (10) Good night (515) Bad night (450)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.

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  (505): Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college. http://tfl.nu/nqh4
  Replies (0) Good night (193) Bad night (255)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too

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  (610): like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too http://tfl.nu/4cqb
  Replies (1) Good night (221) Bad night (413)

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