Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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  (518): I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day. (612): May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees. http://tfl.nu/b9l3
  Replies (10) Good night (741) Bad night (1994)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.

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  (425): he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick. http://tfl.nu/08s1
  Replies (28) Good night (4899) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...

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  (443): ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads... http://tfl.nu/avzw
  Replies (38) Good night (934) Bad night (14894)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks

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  (980): I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks http://tfl.nu/h8ue
  Replies (29) Good night (951) Bad night (4937)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

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  (203): So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?" http://tfl.nu/t9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (5306) Bad night (1629)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive

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  (814): Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive http://tfl.nu/97qq
  Replies (3) Good night (2589) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..

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  (716): She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet.. http://tfl.nu/0ox8
  Replies (4) Good night (2242) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.

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  (321): If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted. http://tfl.nu/92nu
  Replies (4) Good night (2227) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night

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  (613): Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night http://tfl.nu/c7ii
  Replies (15) Good night (1201) Bad night (2350)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.

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  (562): I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/qbx3
  Replies (10) Good night (3555) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.

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  (806): You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard. http://tfl.nu/t4z0
  Replies (6) Good night (2462) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?

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  (561): I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line? http://tfl.nu/0ivn
  Replies (10) Good night (898) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.

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  (613): I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone. http://tfl.nu/7z2d
  Replies (4) Good night (1025) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"

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  (817): On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem. (682): Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?" http://tfl.nu/7dka
  Replies (4) Good night (515) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face

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  (210): It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face http://tfl.nu/lp55
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (353)

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