Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
