Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.