sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I take back everything I said about communal showers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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