you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
