It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
