I think my fart just growled at me.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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