So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ttyl tear gas
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize