I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
