We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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