Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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