just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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