I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
