We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
