Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
