I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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