High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
