just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
