Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
