i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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