And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
