the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
