The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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