im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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