Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
