We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
where are you?
Hypothermia
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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