what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
