apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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