I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
