No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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