i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
