I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
