I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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