Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
