Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
4 words: hood of his car
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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