I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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