OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
