Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
