just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
