do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
