I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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