I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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