No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are a genius and a whore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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