She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
And then he peed in my hair
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