literally had 100 drinks last night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
