I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
