she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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