worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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