Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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