meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
