I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
