So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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