You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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